What if today's top starlets were cast to portray ‘80’s porn legends in a time machine sex parody? Innocent-looking Traci Lords sucks and fucks her way to stardom with Ginger Lynn, Amber lynn, Christy Canyon, Bunny Bleu, Nina Hartley, Samantha Strong, Nina DePonca, Kristara Barrington, Mai Lin, and John Holmes exposed on set, played by the sexy performers of today in the most unique fuck movie ever. It's a hardcore historical gem! Angel Del Rey is "The Fluffer." Ryder explains the film as a homage to the classic icons: "It's kind of a biopic, in a way, because it's my homage to the girls of the '80s.......we don't have an era that's anything like that now, and I think those girls were rock stars to me.”
A nostalgic naked history lesson, narrated by Misty Stone, Tom Byron and Ron Jeremy.
“The year was 1984, and the porn movie business was exploding with dirty sex movies and record sales, as VHS had taken hold in America. The ease and accessibility of the videotape ushered in a new era of adult entertainment.”
Scene 1 - Carter Cruise (Samantha Strong), Courtney Shae (Ginger Lynn) and Richie Calhoun (John Holmes)
By 1984, Ginger Lynn had become the number one porn star in America. Fans clamored for her movies. She was young, sexy, and ready for fun. Other stars sizzled in the bright lights of the Los Angeles porn scene, earning legions of fans. This is their story... this is 1984.Will Ryder sets the scene with a Question and Answer round that shows you the persona of the 80s star each girl played. Will asks, “what is the best part of your job, Ginger Lynn?” She replies, “sex, I just love fucking.” He follows up: “who are you working with today?” “Uh, I believe it’s John Holmes.” John Holmes is big, both in presence and in cock size. And as both Holmes and Lynn discuss how they will romp in the sack, Samantha Strong walks in. She lets both Holmes and Lynn know that the director is out fucking one of the girls. She slyly mentions how huge Holmes’ cock is, and aggressively pushes him down, her mouth directed straight for his bulge. Strong vacuums Holmes’ cock up into her salivating mouth while Lynn enjoys mouthfuls of each of his nuts. Strong gets up and starts masturbating, while Lynn continues to blow Holmes. The camera focuses on Strong's pearl while she orgasms. After Strong finishes, she gives Holmes a deep kiss while Lynn still works hard down under, giving “little” Holmes what it needs. The scene cuts to her bouncing on Holmes’ massive moby. Strong disappears, and Holmes starts slamming straight into Lynn’s tight pussy. Her body is hot as fuck, but that wig is not! John Holmes drills her hairy cunt, then finishes by popping a load into her mouth.
Scene 1 Rating:
This is a good start for a parody, but not for a good biopic. Samantha Strong is portrayed very well by Carter Cruise, with a “bad girl” vibe. Her intent is purely self-pleasure! Carter Cruise’s performance was quality, and everything she did showed an understanding of the character she played. Once she’s done, she leaves! I loved it! However, being a bit of a porn history buff myself, I think there should have been more effort put into Ginger Lynn’s character. Ginger Lynn is AVN’s 7th greatest porn star of all time, and the first contract woman in the adult industry. Peter North named her one of the three sexiest adult film actresses of all time, and Christy Canyon credited Ginger with improving her view on the whole industry after they filmed their first lesbian scene together.
Scene 2 - Cameron Dee (Amber Lynn) and Kurt Lockwood (Jerry Butler)
Misty Stone narrates: “Amber Lynn, of no relation to Ginger Lynn, is fabulously unique. Incredibly beautiful and smart. A bit unpredictable, but has blossomed into a gorgeous woman that both men and women desperately desire. She fucks like a wild animal, and is big business for the porn industry. At the ripe age of 20, Amber Lynn thinks she’s sexy and so does everyone else!” Samantha Strong walks in and lets Amber Lynn know she’s needed on the sound stage.Jerry Butler walks in and tells Amber she looks rad. He wants to see what’s underneath her clothes, but Amber is definitely going to tease before she gives up the goods. Breasts are liberated from their confining covers, and Butler laps at each supple, tender nipple before pulling the rest of her outfit down. He pulls her thong to the side to get a taste of her wicked sweet pussy, and he doesn’t forget to wet her asshole as well. She lays back and lets him side his cock inside her cunt. She says, “get it nice and deep Jerry... fuck that pussy.” He pummels her pussy so hard, her breasts jumping up and down with each thrust. They’re just looking to be sucked, and before long Jerry lays back and fucks her cowgirl, letting her breasts bounce all over his face. They switch positions again and Jerry thrusts his thumb into her ass while drilling her tight hole. He pulls out and shoots several jets of thick fluid onto her face.
Scene 2 Rating:
The sex was great! It’s not all about the plot but the quality of the porn, right? Lynn was also the highest paid female performer on the strip club circuit, making $32,000 a week. You’d think that Ryder would have his choice actress show off some dancing skills... but oh well she’s still banging hot and has a twitter account! @xxxAmberLynns.
Scene 3 - Angelina Chung (Kristara Barrington), Jay Smooth (Jeff Stryker) and Mia Austin (Nina DePonca)
Narrator: “The beauty of porn is that there’s always something for all tastes. Kristara Barrington is a beautiful Korean-American who broke into the industry a couple of years ago and quickly became a favorite of those who enjoy Asian women.” Nina and Kristara cater to Stryker’s every dickly desire. Stryker, being a gentleman, lathers each of their luscious lips with his saucy tongue, before drilling deep into Nina’s hole. They start a fuck train! Stryker chugging away in the back, and Kristara choo-ing up front; while Nina works with all she’s got in the middle! Kristara pines for a turn in the middle and takes the first opportunity she’s given! Stryker enjoys the multicultural experience to its fullest extent, moving between Korean and Puerto Rican cuisine. While Kristara is being fucked, Nina decides to zipline straight to Kristara’s Asian clit while Nina sits on her face. Nina deepthroats Stryker’s cock, and Kristara adds her own spit. Kristara moves her head down to suck his cock and Nina takes hold, controlling Kristara’s head and inching her head down his shaft, holding her steady until she can take no more. He quickly gets his dick into Kristara’s cunt before blowing loads all over their faces.
Scene 3 Rating:
That is most definitely not Jeff Stryker’s giant cock, or even a knock-off! I would think that I’d try to match Stryker’s cock before his face. The sex in this scene was better than the last two scenes, so I can’t really complain as much! I think they followed the 80s mentality of the characters, in which the ethnic girls were a bit naughtier. Mia was a bit more versatile, and Angelina was the Asian side piece to go with the cultural experience.
Scene 4 - Lucy Tyler (Traci Lords) and Tyler Nixon (Tommy Byron)
Narrator: “New talent had just burst onto the San Fernando porn scene, and her name was Traci Lords. Just 20, or so they thought. Fresh off the bus from Ohio. Traci is a natural beauty with fresh innocence. She was destined to be a star the moment she visited World Modeling.”
Traci comes into the agency with a fake story and a name without a ring. She was interested in sex, and when Tom Byron showed up she was immediately excited. Tom said she looked like a Traci; this must be where she got her name. They start making out like school kids kissing for the first time. Tom Byron holds her from behind, kissing her back and disrobing her front for the audience. He presses his lips against her nipples and kisses downwards. Before they get her pants off, she pulls his down and out comes a fat cock for Traci to suck down. While knelt down in her poppy teen schoolgirl-like attire, she chokes down every inch of his cock. Each time we see his member, it seems to have gotten even harder with every touch of her lips. He returns the favor and starts lapping at her dripping wet pussy lips, sucking on her pretty pink pearl. He bends her over and pounds her alongside the couch. We see her lips pull in and out against his thick dick, and know her pussy must be tight as fuck. She lathers his cock up with her mouth and continues romping on the couch where she pops her pussy atop his fat monster cock. She reverse cowgirls him, and he pulls out fast to spritz her with globs of sperm.
Scene 4 Rating:
Totally the best scene so far. I’m glad this one was done well. You can tell that the director really enjoyed Traci Lords, because her scene really portrayed this sense of a poppy, innocent, fun-loving girl. You really see the innocence, without imagining that Lucy Tyler has to re-enact a 15 year old girl.
Scene 5 - Anthony Rosano (Henri Pachard), Ashley Graham (Nina Hartley) and Zoey Monroe (Bunny Bleu)
America was hooked on quick disposable porn, courtesy of the VHS tape. Sexy women came from all walks of life, and Nina Hartley had a high IQ in comparison to some of her other costars. After each girl does their individual Q and A, Henri Pachard comes out to let the girls know the scene is going to be girl-girl, because the male talent missed his plane. They exclaim that they want cock! And they’ve got cock, Henri’s cock! He throws the script behind him and they go gonzo! Bunny Bleu blows spit bubbles all over his pussy thirsty cock while Nina tends to it with her mouth as well as her large bosom. While Nina is taking care of his dick, Bunny is trying to pull off her tights to get her pussy wet. Henri is sitting on the couch getting his cock wet, and she immediately gives him a face workout with her young pussy. After lathering up Henri’s cock, Nina sits on it with her clit facing the camera. Viewers can see the smooth glide of cock in pussy and read the live, laugh, love tattoo that Nina never had... Both girls give him a run for his money, working both his mouth and his manhood in a non-stop tri-tango! They let Henri rest briefly, then he drills both girls with offensive cock maneuvers. They move back to their tri-tango and then to a downward dog position for the girls before Henri blows a tiny load on mostly Bunny Bleu’s face.
Scene 5 Rating:
Zoey Monroe played a fabulous Bunny Bleu. I think the sex was great. The variety of positions was way more exciting, and the girls were way more motivated and enthusiastic about fucking! I’m giving it a 4 because I absolutely love Nina Hartley and that character was not even close! Also, I think a big problem with this film is that with comedy it’s go hard or go home. I don’t want some half-ass funny or half-ass history... I want quality.
Scene 6 - Eric John (Eric Edward), Gaia (Mia Lin) and Natasha Vega (Christy Canyon)
Brunettes are in fashion too. Christy Canyon is one of those very special girls that has become incredibly popular and well known for her huge tits. Her personality is uplifting, and her hairy pussy is a work of art. In the 10 minutes left in the film we get a barrel through sex with a really good plethora of wet pussy dripping, sloppy dual dick sucking, face sitting, and pussy smashing, all at the same time!
Scene 6 Rating:
By far, Natasha Vegas is one of the best actresses in this scene. Mia Lin wasn’t really highlighted. Maybe I missed something? I’d really like to know more. Sex-wise this scene was great. They managed to do a great variety of sex in the time they had.
You'll get more than just a boner when you watch Not Traci Lords XXX; you'll get a minor history lesson. Ryder is impressive in his choice of the movie's art direction and in terms of covering something new. Unfortunately, the film does not fulfill the premise. Ryder shows an interest in or enjoyment of the era, and bringing back the stereotypical vibrant colors reminiscent of the '80s, more than an interest in what viewers might want. I think the best part recreated was the videocassettes "carelessly" left on shelves and nightstands of parents, for children in my generation to pick up and watch after snooping. Ryder took a long time to find a distributor, perhaps because it’s a historical homage, and most people today seem to move at a new, next, now pace. I think for what it’s worth, it'll be a movie that every porn fan over the age of 30 will have a comment or two about, and maybe younger fans will like it. I think you should rent it and give it a try.